Life Changes

Little changes I can handle: my kitchen windows are now decorated with these  gems.

Everyone has to experience change from time to time.  I guess it's how we grow.  I'm a pretty routine-based person and often change is hard for me, even if I know its coming and have planned for it.  I know change is healthy but for some reason my mind cannot get past how things used to be.  Then you adjust and then it happens again.  

Those of you that know my family personally probably already know that over the last two years we have experienced a lot, A LOT, of change.  Totally stressful for me.  Some changes were planned, some expected, and some neither.  So in an effort to help me process some of these changes, let's recap:

1. Cancer

Yep.  Nothing like getting a diagnosis of a disease that could potentially kill you to make you really hate change more.  On our anniversary just over two years ago I got the news: you have cervical cancer.  Ah, wha???  How?  I'm a go to the doctor every year kinda gal, so what the....?  Turns out, for all you wondering, that I had a type not commonly found in Paps and located higher up than the average cervical cancer.  Also turns out it was a more aggressive type.  So two years ago I had surgery to "remove" the cancer.  However, not possible: it had spread microscopically to at least one lymph node.  A few nodes removed along with a few other bits and onward to radiation and chemo at the same time a month after my surgery.  Not fun stuff.  Nothing messes up your daily routine like radiation and chemo and having to drive over an hour one way each day for them for over 6 weeks.  Thank goodness for a wonderful family and husband! Got the all clear that June and so far have stayed cancer free.  But my body gives me constant reminders that I will never be the same physically and that this change can happen again at any time, which is pretty stressful and can really get to me.  It's hard to get out of one's head sometimes, you know?

Take the time to stop and smell the flowers.

2. Death and loss

Everyone finds death hard to deal with.  And we all deal in different ways.  I really don't enjoy the way I often deal: if I know its coming I'm a basket case beforehand then almost shut off afterwards.  If it's a surprise then it really depends....

Our family has experienced the loss of some beloved family members over the last couple years.  Our cat of 18 plus years, dog of over 12 years, many family outdoor pets, and grandparents.  All touched me profoundly one way or another and leave a hole in my heart.  Death has a way of just taking your routine and throwing it out the window.  You try to get back into a routine, a new routine, often to quickly, and that feeling of loss creeps right back in reminding you things aren't, and never will be, the same.  It's a pretty hard change to get use to, isn't it.  Maybe that's the key: you don't really get use to it you just make a new normal.

Mr. Toby

Mr. Bailey

3. Adoption

Ok, I'm not going to be a doom and gloom here.  Change can be exciting and positive and scary and hard all at the same time.  Case in point: the adoption of our two little girls a little over half a year ago.  This is a change we had planned for for over two years, took classes about and training on, had countless meetings about, etc...and still I wasn't prepared.  I think I was as ill prepared for children arriving in our home as anyone can be.  Sure, we got the rooms ready, made photo books for them of the family, went shopping for the essentials, but OH-MY-GOD I so wasn't ready.  I'm still adjusting, daily.  What a roller coast ride two preschoolers put you on when you bring them into your home and family.  Lots of highs and lots of lows for sure.  Kids in the adoption/foster system, I'm sorry to say, come with a lot of trauma issues.  Adoption is traumatic in and of itself, for everyone involved but especially for the kids.  They are expected to come live with complete strangers and just adjust like its all normal and wonderful. 

Case in point: Christmas.  The ultimate trigger.  Our youngest had a really hard time around Christmas time.  We had lots of fun and good times too, but she really had a hard time processing her memories of her previous Christmas at her foster family's house, and the fact that that part of her life's now over.  She still can't fully process, in my opinion, that we are her forever family.  Living in three foster families after being removed from your birth mom's care kinda messes with you like that I guess.  Lots of meltdowns around and on Christmas were in order but we got through it and still had a great holiday.  

Summary:

I guess the point I'm trying to make in this post is even though change can be happy, it can still be very hard and sad at the same time.  A new job, a new addition to your family, loss of a loved one: they all bring change and for someone really routine-based thats' extra hard.  I try (even though sometimes I don't do a great job at it) to focus on the positive aspects that the change can bring.  Maybe its good memories you will always cherish.  Maybe its more family time or time for yourself. Maybe one change in your life can bring more good changes along with it? You've gotta try to stay positive and not drown in that whirlpool of change.  You know, they do say that "change is good", but sometimes you have to work at finding the good.

These are just a few of the changes our family has gone through over the last few years.  Share with me your tips for dealing with change in the comments below.  

PS: Our latest big change is bittersweet.  We recently rehomed our horses because we just didn't have time to ride them and my guy wasn't safe around the kids.  Plus side: we are getting minis for the girls!!!  Ok, ok, kinda for me too 😉